In this months
Yoga Journal, which Steve loves, so once and a while I pick it up and read a few of the articles, I found a few paragraphs that made "IT" all make sense.
"Because your ideal weight is unique it can't be compared... Your Ideal weight is affected by your age, the season, the climate and your menstrual stage. The right weight has nothing to do with numbers. Instead, its a reflection of feeling and being truly healthy- being comfortable and stable in body and mind, experiencing normal body functions, and having the strength and endurance to engage in vigorous exercise and the demands of everyday life.
All that comes about when your appetite and the foods you eat; how and when you eat; the medicines you take; your digestion and metabolism; the nature of your environment; and your physical activity, mind and emotions are in harmony"
By "IT" I mean, this feeling that has been growing inside me. It started when the weight training I was doing in the gym, 30 mins a day 5 days a week, started to show. I wouldn't say it was showing itself visually, but physically I started to stand straighter, my posture became perfect. I had the strength to hold my shoulders back without feeling like it was something I had to purposely remember to do. My knees stopped hyper extending while standing. I took up running, and loved it. Everyday pushing myself farther and faster.
Never in my life did I FEEL like an athlete. I thought I wasn't built for speed or endurance. I felt like I was faking it, when I'd go to the gym, like I didn't belong. I battled this feeling for so long, that I lost and lived a life of believing that I just wasn't the sporty type.
But then I started feeling "IT" . While running I worked on my form, I started reading online running websites to see how I could improve my run. What to eat pre and post run to give my muscles what they needed. I was a little engine. While buying running shoes, chatting with the sales person I knew what performance I needed out of the shoes. I ran and felt... like it was mine. I was good at running. I was a runner.
At the gym, I learned what the names of the exercises were. I could keep track of what weight I lifted before and how much I could challenge myself today. I actually needed workout clothes and I wore them with pride. I felt... like it was mine. I was good at weightlifting. I was strong.
"IT" got stronger, as my body turned giggly from the fat separating from my muscle, as the fat burned off, as the muscles took shape, I felt as though I was finally seeing myself in the mirror. My diet matched my life. I had to eat small portions all the time because I was getting hungry all the time. The more I moved, the more I needed to eat. But I only wanted to eat what my muscles needed.
My pants fit better, then my pants didn't fit at all. My bras were like hammocks on my chest, wow, I couldn't believe I used to fill them up. My neck , I started to notice my neck. I was never trying to look good in a bikini. What a stupid goal, I never set a goal. I was in school. I was learning what I needed to do, not just going through the motions mindlessly. Every day after work I'd go to the gym and 'learn', becoming better and better. It was just a really nice, cherry on top, that I started losing fat. I just wanted to feel better.
It all just fit together. My amazing partner, a personal trainer, gave me his time to teach and train me all he knew. He trained me to be strong in life, not to look big and bulky. The tread mill was boring but I knew I needed cardio to get my metabolism going and that's why I got into running. It all just fit together
There's no number that would make me happy to see on the scale. It's how I feel. That is "IT" this feeling of FEELING FIT. I feel like I could do anything. This energy that flows from inside me is unbelievable. I keep my hair short because it is easy to style and it doesn't get in the way when I MOVE. I am commuting to work so I walk to and from bus/train stations every day. I am getting a road bike together to start biking to work 13.5 km. WHY? BECAUSE I CAN!
I never gave my body the credit it deserved. But I'm making up for it now!
I am healthy and I CAN DO ANYTHING!
I am writing this because I have friends and family who are dealing with the same feeling I used to have. Not believing it is possible, living on a yo-yo of worry that the weight will always come back or the weight will continue to grow. And I don't know what else to say, but YOU CAN DO IT! Don't ever think you are anything but capable of doing anything you want.
So when I read those few paragraphs in
Yoga Journal, my thoughts were finally put into words and I realized what that "IT" feeling was.
I am in harmony... It's harmony. That's why it's easy now, I am excited by every chance to move, snowshoeing, hiking, running, walking BRING IT ON. I look like I'm fit, I look like a runner, I look like anything I want to be, to me. To me, I finally look how I feel, to me.
I am in harmony. I am me
