"But cooking — the process of thoughts throughout the afternoon of what to make, the slow chopping, the simmering, the dreaming? That’s almost better than eating. Tackling a new recipe and then taping it into my giant black notebook, because I certainly want make that one again — that made me feel more capable than my job ever did. For years, the stove was my sustenance, the place I skipped to after a long day of teaching, or on Sunday afternoons instead of grading papers. In the kitchen, I stop thinking. I breathe in the smells. I sing along with Johnny Cash or Talking Heads, songs I know in my toes instead of learning new ones. I chop sloppy, I sometimes don’t clean up as I go, and I enjoy every damned moment of it. Cooking slows me down. There are times that nothing makes me happier than standing in the kitchen in my bare feet, warm air from the opened oven ruffling my hair, and my fingers feeling that the cake is done. It’s the relaxed time of the hands.." Gluten Free Girl
Its nice to hear it from another persons mind. Its nice to read something that registers with every molecule in my body.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I'm engaged today.
I have been playfully tossing the idea out into the open for so long now that since this precious time has arrived it isn't a screaming fit of surprise that I have seen so many times before. In commercials, movies, or on YouTube video's, today feels like any other day.
But when he asked me, sitting in the front seat of the Yaris, our bellies full of delicious Thai Food. He started to say the sweetest things, but as his eyes welled up and his hand reached into his jacket, I have to admit, I heard nothing more. It was all happening so fast. I first thought he was joking with me, then I thought it was real, then I felt it was real, it was really happening.
There aren't too many things in the world that I experience for the first time anymore. And when I experience new things, I always compare the real feeling I had, against what I 'thought' it was going to be like. What I felt was absolute completion. I felt like so many years of love were colliding into one moment in time. But on the way home, it was just us, we were still the same people, on the same path. And I liked it. I liked that nothing changed, because we didn't change, we have always been soul mates, and will always be.
But ya know, I have been wanting to Marry this man for years, wearing the pearl ring he gave me for my 25th Birthday on my wedding finger, with another plain band to keep it on (Since the Pearl one is a little too big for my ring finger). Looking down at it on a daily basis, knowing I was long off 'the market' and loving this little imaginary world I lived in where Steve was my Husband. But now, its for real, and there is nothing greater than that feeling.
I can't explain our relationship beyond saying He is Me, my Best Friend and my True Love. We are so remarkably similar, and yet he is one of the most influential role models in my life. He seems to never tire of balancing my energy, and I never tire of making him happy.
He is where I begin and where I end.
I believe Love is something you know, in your body. Saying it to each other, this sentence "I love you" feels good, but the words mean nothing. It is the feeling inside, that you think of when you say these words, that means so much to us.
It really is true, all the old stories and sappy romance movies, that climax in complete chaos, then end with two people coming together to express their love, and in that, knowing that everything will be OK. That all that other stuff, isn't as bad as it seems, because you have someone to completely support you and only you, through the rest of your days.
Here's to the rest of our life!